Why I Hate Cupcakes

I am a cupcake hater.

Well, I don't really HATE them but I don't like eating them and I don't like making them. I really don't care about them one way or the other as far as how they affect my life or not.

It's gotten to be a joke, though, so I just go with the anti-cupcake vibe. I'm not the only baker who doesn't like them, either.

I don't like eating them because I have a weird thing about crumbs. When I was in college my best friend said to me at lunch one day, "Do you realize that you shake all of your food before you eat it?"

I hadn't realized, but she was right. I hate getting crumbs all over myself, so when I pick up a piece of bread, or anything else that might drop crumbs, I shake it first to get the offenders off.

Cupcakes are notorious for dropping crumbs and little pieces of cake all over the place, so that's strike number one.

I'm also not a huge fan of eating sticky things with my hands, so that's strike number two.

Strike number three would be that most cupcakes are either dry with a huge icing to cupcake ratio, like that's going to draw attention away from the nasty cake part of it. I'm not a big fan of huge amounts of icing, so that isn't really my bag, baby.

Okay, now I'm hearing lots of protests..."But my cupcakes aren't dry! Mine are delicious!" Maybe, but you still have to eat them with your hands and they'll still drop crumbs on me, so no thanks.

On a practical side, cupcakes are just a pain in the butt to make, as far as I'm concerned. The baking, decorating, transportation and storage of the little buggers are more problematic than for a regular cake. Then after you pack them all up to deliver them, you have to unpack them and set them up when you get to where you're going. Time-consuming and annoying.

So I don't sell cupcakes, and I don't eat them for the most part. I actually made some the other day to use up some batter, and my kids assumed that they were muffins.

But at least cupcakes aren't those nasty push-up pop cake tampon things that I've seen in magazines. How the heck are you supposed to eat those? Yuck.

So look at it this way...I don't sell cupcakes, so that's more business for you. I don't eat them, so that's more for you. I'm just doing my part to be generous and spread the happiness for people who are actually made happy by a cupcake. Which wouldn't be me.


 Kara Buntin owns A Cake To Remember LLC in Richmond VA, and cake supplies online at www.acaketoremember.com and www.acaketoremember.etsy.com